Do you have a best friend? I don’t. I never have and never will, and do you know what? I’m fully OK with it.
Let’s start this post with a disclaimer. I’m not writing this to make people feel sorry for me. I’m writing it to make sure that the many people who are like me, feel less alone.
Why am I not a best friend?
Simple answer: because I’m not.
I don’t have to be anyone’s best friend, and nobody needs to be mine. Did you know that? You don’t have be anyone’s best friend, and you don’t need one.
I live with multiple chronic illnesses. I’ll more than likely need at least one of my medications for life. I get tired easily and live my life by pacing. If you have not heard about the spoon theory, I suggest you read up on it. It’s how I live my life. If I don’t have the physical or mental energy to do something, I can’t do it and I stay at home. This means after work drinks, birthday drinks, going out for lunch, blog events… the list goes on. People think that I’m antisocial and that I make up excuses – if that’s the case, I don’t care about their opinions. Because of experiencing this a lot I trust people less, I shelter myself and don’t let people in. This then leads to people blocking me out, or they do that in the first place anyway.
I’m too nice, and people don’t like that
You know that some people can’t deal with those who try to speak to and understand everyone? I feel like there’s a lot of people who are actually like that. People can be super cliquey and if someone doesn’t like someone else in a friendship group, that person is pretty doomed. I’ve experienced this for years, multiple times, in multiple situations. It is actually going on now, and I’m trying to figure out who it is who doesn’t like me so that I can figure out why. Knowing why won’t make me change who I am, but it at least helps me to understand the situation a little more.
What I grew up with
I grew up with mixed messaging from family members and school friends. Before I went to grammar school, I frequently moved schools because of a family situation. When I went to grammar school I had the whole teenage girl clique issue to deal with on top of poor mental health when my Mum was going through her first lot of cancer treatment, and built up fatigue from my undiagnosed illnesses. I frequently slept in the sick room at school, but wasn’t diagnosed with my conditions until my early 20s… that’s a lot of time where noone understood what was going on and why I was behaving in the way I was.
I was also told that if people didn’t like me, and I cared about having friends, that I should change who I was. Yep. No further words on that one…
What about my partner?
I’m not my partner’s best friend, and they aren’t mine. Why? Because our partnership is more than just a friendship. It’s deeper than that, and we both feel the same about that!
How about you? Do you struggle to have friends like I do? Do you not have a best friend either? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!